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Hello there!  This is a fine website we're making right here, and if you're wondering why the words start so low down, well I don't have an answer to that.  Do you think it's unsightly?  We just don't know at this stage.  The words will continue here until there are no more, and there are more things on the left.  Have a goose!

  Guest feature: Manly Mick

Most of you aren't called Mick or Steve or Tony, and aren't as naturally manly as this would imply.  But there are always opportunities  to FEEL LIKE you are.  Here are my top tips:

 

This is you.

1.

2.





3.



4.

5.

​Ruffle a boy's hair and call him "son".

Give a nod to a policeman.  It's a look that says, sure, we haven't seen eye to eye in the past, but we both have a duty to keep these streets clean.  It's a tough business.  I KNOW.

Go and buy condoms in a supermarket.  Lesser men would feel shy about this, but not you.  Cool, calm, confident, that's you.

Show everyone that you know how to rack up for a game of pool! And be sure to spin the 8-ball before removing the rack.  Yeah... that's how we do it...

Refuse an offer of sex (from your girlfriend, of course).  Yeah, you're ready and able, but you're also busy and she can Goddamn wait.

1530: A RIGHT ROYAL WOOING!

Hello subjects!  King Henry VIII here - the least forgettable of all the kings!  I've got that loving feeling once again, and this week the lucky lady is Miss Catherine Parr.  If this doesn't "stir" her "ardour", I don't know what will!

Hey Miss Parr!  Come and Parrk yourself on my face.  Whoa!  Where did that come from!  Excuse my japing.  I am King Henry VIII - him from the banknotes!  I'm also on the threpence and the ha'penny.  And I'm not really as fat as I look there.  And even if I were, I think I've earned it.  In my younger years I was FIT AS A FIDDLE let me tell you.  I have all these paintings you can look at, if my current body naked isn't sexy enough for you.  But I'm getting ahead of myself again.

So I'm the King, and if it's not already clear, I'm very keen to "court" you.  There's a vacancy for Wife Number 3 and you'd be Parr-fect!  (I'm mad!  I am!  All the minstrels and serfs tell me I should be a comedian, but I tell them I'm already the King).  Did you notice that?  I've written it thrice now but I'll do so again:  I am the King.  And this is the Medieval period - hell, I could probably force you.  Not to sound threatening, my lovely lady love, just something to think about.  I am powerful as all hell let me tell you.  I even have a guy who wipes my ass with his bare hands.  I'm not being facetious.  Look it up.  THIS HAPPENS IN THIS TIME.  We don't have toilet paper.  Plus, I'm thinking of destroying the entire state religion in preparation for Wife Number IV.  This is who I am.



So how about it?  This being the Sixteenth Century, I'm expecting to wait around 25 weeks for a reply - but no more.  If I have to send out my King's horses and King's men to get you, I'll not    be happy.



Love you!

 





H the 8

Big H

The H Dogg

King Henry  x

* Update - she said yes!  And by the time the deal was sealed, I'd already had me two more wives!  Henry is the daddy!!

WHAT?
SORRY?

*Look how much fun you can have!*

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